I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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