What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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