take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
