Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
