After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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