he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
