Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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