I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
