Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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