I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
