she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
