went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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