I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
