Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
