So drunk its hurt
the condom got lost in my hair
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
