if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
