Your tits are I can't wait for
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
