Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize