So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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