drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
