I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize