i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
