When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
