Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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