forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no you cant smoke seaweed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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