come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
