He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
