I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize