when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
