My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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