There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
either way he was missing a nipple.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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