bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
