I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
