maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
