wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
