you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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