yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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