yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
