There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
