I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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