It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
