Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
