Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
