I could make wine with my vomit
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
