I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
