I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We got so high we made milksteak
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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