I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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