I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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