This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
