I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize