You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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