you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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