True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
