Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
