im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
