nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
NoShamevember. You game?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
