Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
