I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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