My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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