My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
