I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
