I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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