They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
