Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Small penises have feelings too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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