??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
