I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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