I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
