Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
