remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
