the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
