i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
